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Parenting with Honour


Have you tried just about everything to get your kids to behave? 
Then maybe you need the honour approach.
This is what discipline without honour looks like: A dad told his son to sit down and put on his safety belt, when he refused, he stood over him and demanded it. Well he sat down all right but said this, "I'm sitting on the outside, but I'm standing up on the inside." 
You see, obedience without honour only looks like it works in the short run… and it definitely doesn't work in the long run. Teaching honour shapes a child's heart and his motivations.

The key to good behavior is not in controlling your children, but in instilling honour into your family life.

What is Honour?

Basically, it's three things: 
1. Treating people as special…

2. Doing more than what's expected…

3. And having a good attitude. 

You see, when you instill honour into your family's life, you get to the heart of obedience. And when I say heart, I mean your child's thoughts, intentions and motivations. Once a child understands and learns honour they'll be motivated on their own to behave.


Here are some of the guidelines teaching Honour to your family 
1. Teach children to treat people as special.

To help your children begin to see how honour works, occasionally say something like this - with a smile, “I made a special dessert for dinner because I think you guys are great! I wanted to honour you." 
Children learn how to treat people as special when they watch how their parents treat each other and those outside the family.
When your child shows dishonour to another, use it as an opportunity to teach him how to treat others as special. For example, if you hear your child make a mean comment say, "Jonny, that wasn't kind. I'd like you to take a break for a few minutes and come back to me when you're ready to talk about this." 
When you child returns help him to learn honour. You can say, “In our family if you give your brother or sister a put-down you have to give them 3 put-ups in 5 minutes or do their chores for three days.” 
Violations of honour need to be addressed by building new habits of kindness.

2. Teach children to do more than what's expected.

When teaching children to do more than what's expected, parents can include honour in the instruction. You might say, "I'd like you to set the table, then I want you to think of something extra to surprise me”. That's showing honour Remember: If you tell them to set out the cutlery in a special way, that's obedience. If they choose to add that extra touch, that's honour.

3. Deal with a bad attitude.

Discuss the importance and benefits of a good attitude. Coach your children to have a better response. The next time your child demonstrates a bad attitude, don't just point out the negative but teach how to respond rightly.
A bad attitude is a sign of an angry spirit, and the groaning, rolled eyes, sarcasm, stomping feet or disgusted looks are all attempts to communicate dissatisfaction. Gently point out these bad responses and help your children to practice better responses.

The Wise Appeal
One way to do this is through the wise appeal. Let's look at a typical example. Fifteen-year-old comes home from school and says to himself, "Whew! I'm tired. I just want to listen to my CDs and rest."
Just then, his mom comes in to greet him. "Andrew, I'm glad you're home from school. I'd like you to go out and mow the lawn."
Here's one way this scene could play out. Andrew looks up at his mom and irritated says, "Mom! Mow the lawn? Not now. I'm tired."
Then, mom feels like she has to get more intense. Instead, Andrew can use the wise appeal and say, "Mom, I understand you want me to mow the grass. But I have a problem with that because I am tired right now and had a tough day at school. Could I rest and mow the lawn in two hours?"
See the difference. The wise appeal formula goes like this:

I understand you want me to… because…
I have a problem with that because…
Could I please…

You can even teach preschoolers the wise appeal.
So remember, honour is the foundation for good behavior that goes beyond mere obedience.
What's your reaction when your child shares disturbing information? 

Though it may be difficult to suppress an immediate, emotional reaction based on what you hear, try to resist a quick answer.
Reacting too quickly may cause your child to withhold additional information, out of fear of judgment or punishment. 
Worse, it may make them reluctant to come to you with similar matters in the future. 
The goal is to remain calm, assess the situation, and formulate a thoughtful, measured response.
“Thanks for being honest with me is there anything else you want to share?” 
Thank them for having the courage to confide in you; then establish firm guidelines for addressing and resolving the situation, and end the conversation on a positive, reassuring note.
Let your child know you’re on the side to solve or correct the situation.